Dear God, This One is About Music.

Dear God,

I sit here sometimes and think about all the gifts you've given me. But then my head gets wrapped up in thoughts about all the other gifts that you've given other people I know. I find myself wishing for theirs.. thinking that mine can't even compare to them. I see how other people sing and tear the walls down with their voices. I see those people who can play their instruments upside down and backwards. I think of all the people I know who just seem to do everything 10 steps ahead of me.
I don't know if it's cause I'm just used to being the best and can't stand having someone above me? Or what? I see those people and get so jealous. I start to question why I'm not that good at what I do.
If You've called me for exactly what I know You've called me for.. shouldn't I be good at it? I feel like the harder I try, the harder I fall. I really do. I watch other people sing and play at the drop of a hat. They pick things up easier than riding a bike. What I don't understand is that I'm using my gifts for Your glory and most of the people I'm thinking of right now, aren't. Not only does that make me extremely envious, but it makes me mad. Like, why would You let them succeed and succeed while I sit here and watch myself fail time and time again.
Why do I have to wait for the silver platter when all these other people get it handed to them?
Yet while all these thoughts spin in my mind, I've never actually doubted what You're doing with me. Over and over You've given me favor. I know that most people will crash and burn by doing things their own way.. but when I follow Your will, I know I'll be lifted up in due time.
My mind wants position and popularity, but my heart wants You. I constantly fight war in my head about which side to pick. The grass seems to be greener on the other side, but I know that's just a bunch of lies. I choose to stay on Your path.. even though I may walk alone sometimes, I know You're with me, guiding me and protecting me.
The world may see my progress (little by little, yes) and think it's nothing. They may see my gifts or calling as something small. But every single step of a righteous man (or woman) is ordered of the Lord. No second that I am on this earth isn't placed in front of me to use for my own pleasures, but to please You and bring praise to You.
If I use music for my own gain, what would I really gain as result? But if I use it for You, I will be bearing fruit that will last forever.
I know that nothing could ever change my mind about what You're doing with my heart and my music. Even though it takes a lot of faith to stand firm and not let anything move me in my walk with You, I'm so blessed to say that You've kept me, protected me, and helped me stay the course.. and God, I'm looking forward to this journey with You.
I can't do anything by my own strength.. You don't call the equipped, you equip the called.. I'm blessed to know that You've called me.. and as I walk this road with You for the rest of my life, You'll give me exactly what I need to further the plan You've ordained for me.
I trust You.

Love,
Your daughter, Kylie